A solution for sibling rivalry
By Matthew Ward Submitted to Corner Post
I know a family in which the five children always get along peacefully and considerately. Raise your hand if you believe that. In any family with two or more kids, competitiveness and disagreement are bound to lead to some level of less-than-harmonious love.
My two brothers, two sisters and I weren’t immune to the vices that are inherent between siblings. One day, Mom and Dad announced a remedy that worked amazingly well — Captain Days. Each of us was “captain” of one weekday (Monday: oldest through Friday: youngest). To answer how the five of us might divide the two remaining days, Saturday was Mom’s captain day, and Sunday was Dad’s.
On your Captain Day, you got choose what seat you’d occupy (if an adult was not in it). And if a second child was to share the seat, you got to decide who could sit there. You got the option of going first or later in situations where order was to be decided (sometimes it’s best to go first; sometimes later was preferred). The captain also held a deciding vote in certain other choices.
A twist to the order occurred seven times annually. On birthdays, you automatically ascended to Captain, regardless of the day of the week. What a joyful week it was when we got two Captain days! What a letdown it was when our birthday fell on our Captain day. And how disappointing, when another’s birthday fell on our Captain day.
We learned the nuances of getting along in part by experiencing the pleasures of a captain’s benevolence or the pains of his/her spite. We learned compromise, charity, gratitude and sometimes even a little deal-making. Strangely, we eventually stopped relying on Captain days to dictate decisions. (Occasionally, though, someone may still call out, “Captain Day!” at a family gathering even after decades since we all left home.)
I highly recommend this system of conflict resolution for families with five kids (or even seven kids). If your family has fewer than five, you may want to consider having one or a few more. In any other scenario, you may need to get creative.
