The need for an aggravation shelf
I remember throwing the book across the room.
It was my final year in graduate school, and I picked a major paper topic over a controversial writer who was well-known for causing controversy.
He was brilliant, but he wrote in an aggressive way that challenged most readers, especially those from my background, in many ways. I was tired, and I was reading one of his books as I sat in a makeshift office in our house. In my frustration, I threw the book across the room. Just then, my wife walked in. We have since been married for over 30 years, but at that time, we were about four years into our marriage. She was shocked and asked what I was doing.
“I think I have made a mistake choosing this author,” I said.
“Well, do you want to graduate?” she asked.
The answer was obvious. So, I picked up the book and read it. I then read through many books and articles by this same writer and finally wrote my paper.
Along the way, I met a classmate who had a completely different perspective on this writer. In other words, he liked this author, a lot. Over a couple of coffee times, this classmate and I discussed the author, along with the person he had chosen, and I learned a new perspective. In fact, I began to actually appreciate the author’s contributions and passion.
Over time, I even learned to embrace some of the things the writer said, recognizing that I was missing areas of the author’s experiences, mainly because the author came from a different background than mine.
From that time on, I began collecting books for what I called my “aggravation shelf.” This is a shelf full of books filled with authors with whom I have some (or a lot of) disagreement. These are people who will challenge the way I see the world. I have several of these shelves now. Most of the time, after I read them, I don’t end up sharing their views on everything or even most things.
However, I have learned to value my aggravation shelves. They challenge me to see through the eyes of others. They challenge me to listen more closely instead of jumping to conclusions based on differences in appearance, experience or background. In short, they have helped me grow in my faith and my empathy.
At the end of the day, I believe these lessons help me in my faith. The Bible says that early believers held a wide range of views on certain things, even though they shared many core beliefs in common. We are not just called to love, respect and value those with whom we agree. We are also called to listen to, respect and love those on our aggravation shelves.
Many of those may just become voices that help us become better people as we seek to make a difference together in the world, turning our aggravation into appreciation.
